Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
