I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
