We won't sleep together?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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