I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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