I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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