Sponge bath it is.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize