And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
