Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
