How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
