I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
