your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
