I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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