I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
