I got chris browned last night
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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