Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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