It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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