My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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