I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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