Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
