don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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