Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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