Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize