Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
