we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
