If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize