took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
