Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
