I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
