Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize