Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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