i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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