He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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