I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think your dad took our porno
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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