Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
