After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
