his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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