dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
