Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
