Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
