I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
