Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
