my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just high enough for therapy.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
