This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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