I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize