dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
