apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
