I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she smelled like a LAN party
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
