the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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