Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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