Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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