Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
