I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
