before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
