I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
