i just wanna soil my oats bro
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
