I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
