Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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