A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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