Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
