Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
