I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize