Got a toothbrush?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
