I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
