I heard we made out
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
