Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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