Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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