Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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