If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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