Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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