I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
