he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
