Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
